I'm learning what to do when a loved one is "off"

We all want to help people when they're having a tough day. Especially when it’s a loved one or someone close to us. It can be alarming, frustrating, and produce a reaction in us when they are… “off.” However, our well-meaning attempts to make them feel better often backfire and make things worse. The cycle can be a hard one to break but I wanted to encourage you today with these tips. Try these and you’ll notice a huge difference!

Here are 5 helpful ways to be a source of comfort (without making things worse)

1. Don’t Tell Them How to Feel

When a loved one is upset, it's tempting to say, “Don’t be sad,” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.” But emotions aren’t wrong or right—they just are. Instead, say something like, “Yes, that’s a lot to have to think about.” Or try, “Wow, what a day. I’m sorry.” Telling someone how to feel is ultimately controlling and communicates (even if inadvertently) that you think you are smarter than them. Trust them. They have the ability to figure it out. 

2. Don’t Try to Fix It

We often jump into problem-solving mode because others' suffering can make us uncomfortable or worried. Most of the time, people don’t need solutions—they need presence. Instead of offering advice, ask, “Do you want to talk about it, or would you like some quiet time?” Giving them the space to lead will make all the difference. Even if you for sure know what would help, try not to offer solutions unless you are directly asked for your opinion. 

3. Don’t Overreact

When we see someone we love in pain, pouting, or even overreacting - we might panic or get upset ourselves. However, remaining calm is critical! If our loved ones' emotions are “twrilly” (as I like to say) It’s ok! It’ll pass. As long as they aren't hurting you or themselves in some way – just let them be. Your calmness helps them feel safe. Take a deep breath, stay steady, and let your stable mood be a source of comfort. They will find balance a lot faster with you as a presence that can co-regulate them.

4. Pray for Yourself (and them, of course!)

Turn to God right away when you feel yourself knocked off balance by someones elses mood. Lean into His presence, peace, and wisdom as soon as you can. Then, of course, pray for the person having a bad day. Ask God to give them peace, strength, and wisdom. This act of faith will bring supernatural peace that passes understanding to both of you.

5. Offer Small Acts of Kindness

A cup of tea, a favorite snack, or even a hug can speak volumes. These gestures say, “I see you, and I care.” Sometimes, it’s the little things that help the most. Remember, being there for someone doesn’t mean having all the answers—it means offering love, patience, and understanding - while also getting on with your day. 

If this resonates with you, reply to this email and let me know which of these you’ll try the next time a loved one needs support. I’d love to hear how it goes!

With a hug,

Rebekah